Monday, August 3, 2009

I have the most wonderful parents in the world!!! I just got off the phone with them after an hour long “visit”. I was so angry and fed up with all the beaurocratic crap that’s happening to me while I’m here (the Janette and visitation fees “scandal” I like to call it). Now that I’ve talked to them, vented, and listened to their words of wisdom, I’m no longer angry and feel so grateful for their love, guidance, and support. I only hope I can be as good a parent to my daughter as they have been to me. Love you Mom and Dad!!!
Janette did not accept my offer of $120 for four days of visiting Alina. It was decided today that I would pay Janette $40 a day for the days I visited my girl. Oh yeah…I owe her $40 a day for the last 11 days as well. Yeah, remember how many times I asked her in the past 11 days to tell me how much the fee was going to be? It was three times and three times she kept telling me she would tell me tomorrow. If I had known it was going to be $40 a day, I would not have gone everyday after the two week bonding period. I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!!! But, what can I do? She holds my adoption of Alina in her hands. I’ve even thought about hiring my own driver and translator to take me to Umit the other two days. But, I don’t want to have Janette upset with me. So, I will be visiting Alina only three days a week. At least it’s three days compared to none at all. I thought I would visit Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday but after talking with my parents, it might be better to visit Monday, Wednesday, Friday. That way, instead of not seeing me for four whole days in a row, Alina would not see me every other day, except for the weekend of course. That was Grandpa’s idea and I think it’s a good one. So, I will tell Janette I’ve changed my mind tomorrow. I’ll get to see Alina tomorrow, Tuesday, and then on Thursday of this week. Then next week we will start the Monday, Wednesday, Friday routine. It’s the best I can do right now. I didn’t see Alina at all this weekend and she seemed fine with it. She did say that she missed me today when I saw her but everything as far as bonding goes is still there and going strong.
I was informed by Janette that she did submit all my paperwork to the court today. I do believe she is really trying to get me a quick court date. I should just stop complaining about the money situation. I know she’s working as hard as she can. I don’t see all the stuff she has to do. And this “stuff” I know is not always pleasant. It was revealed to me this past weekend that there is a lot of bribing that goes on in the courts. Janette may have to have had that extra $2200 in regional fees specifically for that. I should just shut up and go with the flow. Everything is happening for a reason and I need to just accept that and deal with it. But I still feel like I’m being taken advantage off in some aspects because I’m an American. I guess that’s just the way it works around here and I HAVE to accept it…I don’t like it but there’s not much I can do about it. Anyone need their very own private seamstress? I’ll be looking for a second job when I get back to Memphis ; )
Today’s visit was a very good one. As I mentioned, I hadn’t seen Alina in two days. When I saw her today, I picked my little munchkin up and held her tight, gave her a good squeeze, and kissed her on the cheek. I told her I missed her and held her cheek to mine. At that moment, my heart opened up and I felt like Alina’s mother for the first time. It felt so good to see her smiling face and feel her little arms around my neck. I closed my eyes and cherished this life changing experience that I was having. This is what I’ve been waiting for…this moment…this feeling. I never thought I could love someone I just met a month ago so much that it hurts. Holding Alina in my arms today, I felt that love…that Mother’s love that only a Mother can feel. It’s here….it’s finally here.
Other than this wonderful moment, everything went as usual. Juice drank…check…snacks
consumed….check….stacking blocks dumped out on the gazebo floor but not played with….check….photo albums looked at….check….ball played with….check…check…and check. I did notice something else today though. Alina is putting the word “Mama” in front of a lot of her sentences lately. “Mama, do you need this” she will ask and point to my purse. “Mama, I went swimming yesterday”, “Mama, bring me my juice”, “Mama, pick this up”, etc. And, when I’m talking to Shirin and not paying attention to her, she begins to say, “Mama, Mama, Mama” in increasing levels of volume until I answer her. I think all of these are more good signs that bonding is still happening.
Thank God for my wonderful friends back in Memphis! They are sending me a care package full of goodies for me and Alina. I am getting a big jar of Peanut Butter (stop laughing!!!), a new mini sewing machine since I burned the last one up, some plastic cups/bowls/silverware. Alina is getting some more clothes from her closet, play dough and all the things that go with play dough, more books, puzzles and other things that my friends are gathering for me. Ya’ll are amazing! I love you guys to pieces and I can’t wait to get back and have ALL the girls and boys play together!
I’m just about finished crocheting/knitting all my scarves and hats for presents for the caretakers at Alina’s orphanage. Thank goodness my sewing machine is coming because I brought lots of fabric to make sun hats and Alina’s coming out of the orphanage outfit! It’s going to be sooo cute! I’ll be sure to take pics.
That’s all for now. Thanks to you all for reading the blog posts, the prayers, and the good vibes you are sending our way!

Love,
Kim and Alina Jean