Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Only Two More Visits

The countdown continues. Only two more visits, ie seven days, until Alina comes to the hotel with me and my parents! I should feel soooo excited and I am but I feel kinda numb at the same time. Does that make any sense at all?
The weather has turned quite cool here in Taraz and very quickly I might add. It’s like Memphis fall weather…one day 90’s and the next day 70’s. It’s the changing of the seasons and it totally reeks havoc on my sinuses. I had a bad sinus headache yesterday and spent most of Tuesday on the couch sleeping. I hate this time of year. I so look forward to getting rid of the hot days and the cooling down of the temps but it’s always gets to me. Because it was so cool outside this morning, we didn’t go to the gazebo to play as usual. We went into a room in the orphanage. It was a small room and not much space to move about be we made the best of it. We even got some Mommy and me time alone. Shirin had to go with Janette to do some translating for another adoptive family in Taraz so Alina and I had about half an hour all by ourselves…well, sort of. Everyone who went by the door of our playroom would stop and look in and talk to Alina. I didn’t shut the door because I didn’t know if I was allowed to or not. Again, I feel like there are thousands of eyes on me when I’m there and I’m afraid to do just about anything (but not for too much longer!!!). The director even poked her head in and talked with Alina. I tried to say Hello to her in Kazakh the formal way (salem-metz-ez-bah) but it never comes out the right way. It’s always so jumbled and when I do try to say it and say it wrong, I feel like an idiot. I get so nervous around her. I want so much to make a good impression when she sees Alina and I together. I guess I’m trying to hard and I just need to relax.
I have to vent here for a couple of minutes. Alina wanted to go outside and play but the administration didn’t want us to because it was cool this morning. So, I told Alina she couldn’t go outside. She was upset and started to cry and push and pull at me. I immediately told her to stop (coy). She stopped pushing and pulling but not crying. Well, I was all ready to let her cry it out. She has to learn that she cannot always get what she wants. Well, that didn’t happen. See, the Kazakhs don’t believe in letting a child cry which I think is not a good idea. We were in one of the hallways and not 30 seconds after she started crying, one of the office workers comes up to Alina and starts telling Alina she shouldn’t cry and to walk (I had her sitting on one of the window sills in the hallway). She says some other things (I don’t know what she said) harshly to her and she does stop crying. Of course, I bit my tongue and just went along with it. Ugh! I can’t wait to get out of this baby house! The way they raise the children is NOT the way I want to raise mine and I can’t wait to be able raise my child the way I want!!! Vent closed…for now!
Mom and Dad and I talked via video call again tonight. They will be leaving on Thursday to go to my house. Then, on Friday, Dr. Doug (my former boss) will take them to the airport on Friday (THANKS BIG DADDY DOUGY!!!) at 11:30 am. They will fly out at 3:00 pm for a whopping 36 hour trip to Taraz, Kazakhstan! Twenty three hours in three airplanes, layovers in Denver and Frankfurt, and an eight hour drive from Almaty, Kaz to Taraz. Yes…they are taking the car ride from Almaty to Taraz. I’ve tried to prepare them for the drive. It really is the best way to get them here as fast as possible…safest way?…well let‘s just pray about that one. They will have a driver that will pick them up and deliver them right to the hotel. I know I said I really didn‘t want them to take the car but if they took the train or flew to Taraz, they would have to spend overnight in Almaty with no one to help them. So, again, Janette, my coordinator, is right…so, the car it is. God Bless them! It’s a long haul and an exhausting one but I will be ever so glad to see them on Sunday. And, they will be ever so glad they made the trip. Adrenaline and excitement will keep them going for a little bit on Sunday but I expect them to crash very early on Sunday night. I asked them if they wanted to go see Alina with me on Monday if it is ok with my coordinator. They want to but I did caution them that it’s really hard to leave her at the orphanage but Mom seems to think that it will be ok knowing that we will get her on Wednesday for good. I really don’t think they realize how hard it’s going to be.
Thanks everyone….until Friday….

Smooches and hugs,
Kim and Alina