Meeting My Daughter, Alina

On July 7, 2009 at 3:45 pm, I met my soon to be, precious daughter Alina. I got up very early…7 am (and for those who know me, that is VERY early for me). I was told that the coordinator would take me to Umit Baby House that morning. I got up early, showered, got dressed and proceeded to watch the 1st season of NCIS on DVD that mom and dad let me borrow for the trip (thanks Grandma and Grandpa!). I had heard that most visitation times are either 10 to 12 or 3 to 5 so I thought, since I had been told that the coordinator Janette would be at the hotel in the morning, that the 10 to 12 visitation time would be my time with Alina (thus the reason I got up so early). Well, 10 am arrived and went and no phone call from anyone. So, I just keep waiting in my room, patiently, for someone to contact me. I finally get a call from the translator Janine (pronounced Sha-nin) at 12 saying that Janette was on her way and that she would be in Taraz around 1. Ok…what else can I do but sit and wait and watch more NCIS. One thirty came and went and at 2, Janine calls and says that she and Janette and my driver, Ernur (still can’t pronounce his name) will be at the hotel at 3 and we will go see Alina. Butterflies are now rolling in my stomach as I think about mine and Alina’s first meeting. Will this little girl realize who I am? Does she know what’s about to happen to her life? Do I realize what’s about to happen to my life? These questions remain unanswered and will for a while but Alina and I will find out the answers together.
Janine comes to my hotel door at 3 and says that Janette is downstairs in the lobby. We proceed downstairs after I gather my purse loaded with a coloring book, crayons, goldfish, and stickers (all offered as “bribes” to get Alina to like me :) ). We jump in the chariot (a white Toyota Camry) and head toward Umit. The streets we take to Umit are lined with houses, businesses, and office buildings. Signage to what type of business or office buildings are not the biggest in the world and if you don’t know where you are going, I’m assuming you could get lost very easily. We are talking all the way to Umit. Janette is asking me questions about Memphis, family, and other things while Janine is translating them to me and translating my answers to Ernur and Janette. It’s very comical and they talk amongst themselves in their own language (usually Russian) and I’m certain they are talking about me but I wouldn’t know. I try to be as cordial as I can and laugh when they laugh and answer their questions as best I can. They are extremely nice people and I feel very safe with them.
We finally arrive at the Baby House which is located behind what looks like an very run down apartment building. Umit is not visible from the street and again, signage was limited. If I had not seen a video of the orphanage that was taken by other adoptive parents, I would not have recognized where I was. But, the all to familiar gate of Umit was recognizable because I had watched the video to many times to count. We get out of the car and Janette goes inside to tell the director that I am there to see Alina. Ernur stays by the car and Janine and I wait outside in one of the gazebos. I’m trying to get Janine to relax a bit because I think this is her first translation job. She seems very nervous. So, I start asking her about herself…does she go to school, how old is she, etc. I find out that she is a student at the University in Taraz studying English and German. She is on summer break until September. She wants to adopt after she is married. She is very young..I would say 21 or 22. She never told me how old she was but she is a sweet girl and very attractive. As we are talking, I apologize to her about asking Ernur to take me to a grocery store, Gros, that some other adoptive parents had told me about. I ask him to do this on Monday when we arrived in Taraz. It seemed to me that I upset him because he immediately called Janette and started raising his voice on the phone. After a while, he handed the phone to Janine. Janine and Janette spoke for a few minutes and then their conversation ended. I was then told, very politely, that if I wanted to have something to eat, I could eat at the hotel restaurant. I dropped the subject right then and there and never mentioned it again. I thought to myself, “Great Kim! You haven’t been in the city more than 20 minutes and you’ve already made people angry with you!”. That was not my intention at all but when communication is limited, it’s hard to convey exactly what you want. So, as Janine and I are sitting in the gazebo, I told her that I wanted to apologize for asking Ernur to take me to Gros. I said I thought that he got upset with me. She said that he did not get upset at all and that he was fine. Good, I thought. Lord knows I don’t want anyone angry with me in a foreign country who I have to rely on.
Janette finally returns with one of the caretakers of the baby house and a man dressed in camouflage Bermuda shorts and black T-shirt. They both know I am there to adopt Alina. We proceed to go toward the front doors of Umit. Again, a familiar sight due to the video I had seen countless times. To the right and left are overgrown flower gardens. The flowers are in bloom right now and they are very pretty but there are so many weeds it’s hard to see them. Apparently, they do not mow lawns or weed flower beds in Kazakhstan. We walk up the pave stone path to the two wooden doors. We enter and turn left going down a hallway. We pass the directors office. She is not there because she is on vacation. We pass some other administrative offices and arrive at another office. I walk in and there are two desks piled with paperwork, a couch, a matching chair, and a wooden wardrobe which, I’m assuming, acts as their filing cabinet. There is a woman dressed in a light blue uniform dress (something like a nurses uniform) sitting behind one of the desks writing something in a book that looks like a journal. She looks up, sees me and the others and gives a nod of her head and smiles. I am instructed to have a seat on the sofa. I sit down and shortly thereafter, another lady, dressed in a light blue uniform dress enters the room. She is taking over for the Director while she is on vacation. Janette is still trying to find Alina. Apparently, she was outside with her group and they were having a snack. So, while we waited for her to finish her snack, I was asked questions by the lady who was standing in for the director and the caretaker and man who met us out front. They had entered the room shortly after us. I was asked how old I was, how do you pronounce my street name, did I know about Alina’s skin condition, etc. And of course, EVEN in Kazakhstan, once the man found out that I was from Memphis, Tennessee, he proceeded to talk about Elvis. I couldn’t believe it!! I know now that I’m not giving Elvis the credit he deserves. He really is know world wide! I told the man that I lived only about 20 minutes from Elvis’ house and that seemed to tickle him.
I’m sitting on this couch for what seems like an eternity when in all reality it was only about 10 minutes. As per procedure, they had to show me another child. They brought in the cutest little baby boy who had a cleft lip/cleft palate. Nothing was said to me about him. Just the fact that he had been shown to me was enough for the people in the room. Then, I hear little footsteps coming down the hall. My mind is racing, my stomach is turning, and I feel like I’m going to faint. In the door walks this teeny, tiny brown headed, brown headed, brown skinned girl who I had only known through pictures. Janette was with her and brought her toward the couch. As I’m sitting there fighting back tears, I said hello and she just lowered her little head. Janette told her that I was her mama and to come and give me a hug. She raised her head, looked me in the eye and come to me with arms open wide, crawled into my lap and wrapped her little arms around me. She then proceeded to lay her tiny head on my shoulder. I think I finally took the breath that I had been holding for a year and a half. I stroked her back and kissed her tiny head. It was all I could do not to break down and sob. I had promised myself that I would try to hold it together in front of her. I was very proud of myself because I did. After the hug, she sat on my lap for a few seconds and then got back down. I was being bombarded by questions and people telling me things about her but I certainly don’t remember what they said. All I could do is look at that precious little face. Janette, again, told Alina that I was going to be her Mama and Alina came and sat in my lap again. She willingly did so but there was no eye contact this time. That’s ok…it’s a trust thing. We’ll work on it.
As Alina is sitting on my lap, the lady in the light blue uniform dress tells me about Alina. She is reading from a journal book just like the one the other uniform dress lady was writing in when we arrived at the office. I was told that she was the first born of a young woman and that she was born at 42 weeks. I was asked if I understood her skin condition and, of course, I said yes. They told me that the condition was getting better as she got older. And, in fact, through my research, that is very common with the form of Icthyosis she has. She will never get rid of it and it will come back when she is older but it is very treatable with creams and lotions. I asked for other medical records that they might have on Alina and was met with some opposition so I just let it go. I’m going to email our pediatrician and see what she has to say. I was also told that her growth had slowed in the past year. That’s no surprise to me as most institutionalized children are behind in development because they do not get the care or nutrition they need. I’m not concerned about that one bit! She’ll catch up once we get home. All of the adoptive parents I have spoken to about this issue assure me that the kids do catch up and rather quickly. She does like more like a 3 year old than a 5 year old. She is very tiny as far as height goes but she still has pudgy cheeks and arms.
After I was told about Alina, I was asked if I had any questions. I couldn’t think of any at all at that moment but I said I might have some later. We then proceeded to go for a walk outside. It seems they like to get the children outside as much as possible. She was given a cookie (hat I now know is something like our butter cookies because I just bought some this morning at the market across the street from the hotel) by one of the blue uniform ladies to coax Alina in to going outside. As we walked back down the entrance hall and passed the Director’s office, Alina approaches the door and proceeds to knock on it. Janette tells Janine that she wants to go into this office because she knows that when you do, you get adopted. My heart breaks again. We walk back out the front doors, down the pave stone path and take a right. Here, again, there are weeds everywhere and among them you can see little shelters where the children play. There is very old playground equipment in the weeds to but I did not see anyone playing on them. We proceed to walk around the baby house exterior until we see a shelter just off the path and not surrounded by as many weeds. Alina decides to go to this one.
Janette had gone to speak with the other people at the baby house and Janine remained with me and Alina. We enter the open air shelter. There is a thin, dirty red rug lying on the floor and a long kid sized bench against the only wall of the shelter. Alina spies a bag of old toys in the tall, worn out storage closet. She immediately goes over, pulls it onto the rug, and proceeds to pour out all the toys in the bag. I promptly seat myself on the rug across from her so I can be at eye level with her. I thought, “Now is the time to start with eye contact.” We sit and play with the toys for a few minutes and then I start to pull out the goodies I had brought. While we were walking to the shelter, I had pulled the ladybug stickers out. Those were a big hit! Alina would not give them up so she carried them with her to the shelter. I then pulled out the crayons, coloring book, and Goldfish. Boy, the Goldfish was a bit hit too! I even got her to say fish! But, the biggest hit of all was the crayons and the box. She had no interest in coloring what so ever. What she loved doing is taking the crayons out of the box and then putting them back in. She did this many times and seemed to enjoy herself thoroughly. I would hand her a color and tell her the name of it. She did manage to say blue but that was about it. I didn’t care! My baby was having a grand old time with the crayons and stuffing her mouth the those tasty Goldfish!
The next thing that happened is going to break your heart. Get a tissue now because if you don’t cry or at least tear up, there’s something wrong with you. So, we are sitting there playing in the shelter and the 3 to 4 year old group (all boys) are passing by on there way to another shelter along with their caretaker. Alina hears them and gets up and goes over to the edge of the shelter and gives them a big wave. They spot Alina and see me and they shout to her (through the translation of Janine), “Alina, is that your Mama?” Alina answers at the top of her voice, “Iya!” (pronounced ee-ya meaning Yes in Kazakh) and flings her pudgy arm out and points that tiny little finger back toward me. After Janine told me what was being said, I lost it!! I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore! The flood gates had opened…the dam broke! Once Alina had told them yes, they all yelled back to her as if to say, “Yeah for Alina!!!”. It was the sweetest thing on earth and I will never, never forget it. It was all I could do to pull myself back together. I think even Janine cried a little. Now, Ernur joins us and he as Alina where he Mama is? Once again, she flings that pudgy arm out and points to me. I am in seventh heaven by now.
As our first visitation time draws to a close, Janette joins us once again. She then asks me if I still want to adopt Alina. My answer was, “Oh yes…Oh yes”. Janine tells Janette what just happened with the boys and Janette smiles and says, “It looks like Alina has found her mother.” I said, “We had found each other.” Janette told Janine that the entire orphanage staff wanted Alina to have a mother because Alina so badly wanted one. Alina’s realizes what is going on when strange looking people come to the baby house, choose a child, and adopt them. They told me that when she is not chosen by a family, she goes back to her room and cries. No more tears my baby! Ever again! God has chosen you to be my daughter and I am so grateful!!! I was also told by Janette that the entire baby house staff is going to celebrate that Alina finally gets a family of her own. It seems everyone loves my little one and everyone is so happy she is being adopted.
It was time to say goodbye…or Paka in Russian…So Bul (sow-bull) in Kazakh. Janette tells Alina that we have to go and asks Alina to come and give me a hug and kiss. With Goldfish bag in her hand, she comes over, gives me a great big hug and plants a kiss on my cheek. I hold her close to me and hug her back and kiss her on the head. We start walking back toward the car where Ernur has been so patiently waiting for us. Janine and Jeanette take Alina back inside through the front doors of the baby house and I proceed to join Ernur in the car. We get on the road and I am taking back to the hotel via the white chariot. One the way, we talk business, procedures of how the rest of the adoption process will go, and Janette asks me how long I will be staying and would I prefer to stay in a flat (ie apartment) instead of the hotel. For safety reasons, I tell her I’d rather stay at the hotel but in a smaller room. I’m in a room right now that has a dining room, a sitting area, a bedroom, a shower, a bathroom (with a real toilet) and another small area that has a table and small fridge. She is concerned about how much it’s going to cost me but I tell her I’d rather feel safe and pay extra for the hotel room. She then says that she will talk with the hotel people to see if she can get me a deal since I will be staying 3 months until the adoption is completed. Most people do not stay the entire time. I’m one of the lucky ones. I have the time off work so I’m staying. It puts a major strain on the budget but how could I leave after meeting Alina? There is no way I could meet this little cherub, go back home for 6 weeks and then come back. I would be an emotional wreck! So, I’m sucking the cost up and staying here the entire time. I will also get to visit Alina everyday that I’m here. That means, we can continue the bonding process.
Oops…I promised this would be shorter didn’t I? Oh well, a lot has happened in the last two days. Thanks for hanging in there until the end. More tomorrow.